Thursday, March 23, 2006

ARTIFACTICITY TOODLE: DIGITAL COWGIRL

Opening ceremonies
Fabulosity Toodle (acceptance speech)
Hootanahollernanny Toodle (acceptance speech)
Fotosurreallic Toodle (acceptance speech)
Babsilicious Toodle (acceptance speech)
The Toodles: Better Than The Oscars
Romantihofficity Toodle
Collectimusikane-san Toodle

WHY ARE WE IN THIS HANDBASKET

One of the many things I love about Digital Cowgirl is her Net or Blog "handle". I imagine an aerial view of a swift riding Cowgirl, rounding up fingers instead of cows. What will those digits yield after she has herded them up and corralled them around a pen or a camera or some other artistic instrument? A new piece of jewelry? One of those little bronze plaques?

Whenever I read her blog, I have the suspicion that she is getting far more satisfaction, joy, insights, and creative juice out of each day than the rest of us. She seems to never lack for adventures, even in her own backyard. Also, I just like anyone who admits to shedding a tear during competetive ice dancing.

It is with great honour I bestow the Artifacticity Toodle on Digital Cowgirl and Why Are We In This Handbasket! May she ride the range of the blogosphere for many years to come!!!

NAM JUNE PAIK CONGRATULATES DIGITAL COWGIRL ON HER TOODLE!!!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

ROMANTIHOFFICITY TOODLE: CONFESSIONS OF A DUMB WHITE GUY

Opening ceremonies
Fabulosity Toodle (acceptance speech)
Hootanahollernanny Toodle (acceptance speech)
Fotosurreallic Toodle (acceptance speech)
Babsilicious Toodle (acceptance speech)

THE HOFF WISHES HE WAS AS SAUVE AS MR SHIFE.

CONFESSIONS OF A DUMB WHITE GUY

Top Ten Reasons Why Mr. Shife Must Win The Romantihofficity Toodle!

10. His blog is educational.

9. He has spectacular visions.

8. His penis can speak for itself (himself?).

7. His wish list is waaay more awesome than mine!

6. He is humorous even when he is being serious.

5. He is a better movie reviewer than Roger Ebert.

4. He is not afraid to ask the tough questions.

3. Quincy (aka The Fat Basset Hound) rules! (I couldn't locate the posts with photos.)

2. He is an incredibly romantic, good-looking dude with the most awesome (beautiful, patient, funny, etc) Mrs, and they are going to have the cutest kids ever!

1. He has single-handedly brought back The Hoff... and here, and here, and here, and here... dang, this dude is obessessed!

Mr. Shife always makes me laugh! I think that if there were more Mr. Shife's the world would be a better, MUCH funnier (and funner), place to live!!!! I do hope, and I am sure many in the blogosphere will agree, that one day Mr. Shife's only job will be to blog for us everyday!

It is with great honour that I hereby bestow the Romantihofficity Toodle on Mr. Shife!!! May the laffs continue for more many more years to come!!!


THE HOFF TRIES TO MAKE A BACKSTAGE CONNECTION AT THE TOODLES

THE CAST OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT CONGRATULATES MR SHIFE ON HIS TOODLE!

Sunday, March 05, 2006

THE TOODLES: BETTER THAN THE OSCARS

Opening ceremonies
Fabulosity Toodle (acceptance speech)
Hootanahollernanny Toodle (acceptance speech)
Fotosurreallic Toodle (acceptance speech)
Babsilicious Toodle (acceptance speech)

THE TOODLES ARE BETTER THAN THE OSCARS OR ANY OTHER AWARDS SHOW

Why, you may ask? First of all, because the Toodles are imaginary, everyone can attend: the dead and the living, celebrity and non-celebrity, the famous, the infamous, the not even remotely famous, and the fictitious.

TOODLE USHERETTES HAVE MORE FUN THAN ACADEMY AWARD USHERS

I admit, the hardest part of the Toodles is coming up with the titles of the awards themselves. I am considering abandoning the reverse chronology of the awards in favour of "I have a name for this person's award so they are next." And don't forget, folks, we accept all bribes.

Rocky left a comment on the Babsilicious Toodle that I, the Toodler, am a great writer surrounded by idiots who do not recognize my talent. Alas, she speaks the truth. Because she is so obviously brilliant, of remarkably high intelligence and exceptional insight, I simply must award her the special SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPEALIDOCIOUS TOODLE CERTIFICATE, recognizing these aforementioned traits in her character. Congratulations Ms. Rocky!!!

The second most difficult part of the Toodles is describing the audience reaction. Thanks to all of the wonderful responses--- here a special shout out to A Positive Pessimist-- I am having a shopping bag of Victoria's Secret undies delivered to you in the third row-- I have decided to forego the audience reaction descriptions for the remainder of the Toodles.


TOODLE ON!!!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

BABSILICIOUS TOODLE: HOW TO GO INSANE


HOW TO GO INSANE

What can I say about Ms. Babs? I first knew her as Sooner's "Stepford Babs" in the epic Monkey saga. It was not until after "meeting" her at Sooner's Bar and Grill that I realized she was the recipient of one of the first posts I ever read: on MENTAL EXCREMENTS, "Thank you for being you." I encourage to read this wonderful post, as it says everything that I am going to try to say about tonight's Toodle recipient.

I lurked on Babs blog for a long time before posting comments. She is so involved with her blogosphere, so central a connection to so many people and unfailing support for those that struggle with the same demons that she does (she suffers from clinically diagnosed bi-polar disorder), but she is also an outspoken lady who does not back down from conflict. She speaks her mind. I admit to being a tad intimidated.

For someone who eschews our consumer culture she does have a wide variety of interests and insights. Her enthusiasm for NASCAR, gardening, music, politics, reading, and of course, fighting mental illness, have turned me onto to a lot of things that I would not have inquired about on my own. (That I know the names Sadler and Kensath is a remarkable achievement in and of itself!)

Babs, to me, is like the mysterious lady who lives by herself at the edge of the wood. If her life were a television show I think it would be like CHARMED or BUFFY, where she is fighting these demons that others cannot see. She is guarding the perimeter of our unseen lives, and I do believe that one day she will triumph. Triumph in a way that none of us can foresee, but that will benefit us all. I fully expect to see her on Larry King, or one of these CNN talk shows: "Well, Larry, it hit me on night when I couldn't marshmallow-- that's what I called sleeping on my blog to avoid the Google sleep ads--" [laughter from the audience] "And it was such a tremendous breakthrough that I realized I had to spread the news, so I immediately summoned the cockroach army in Plano--" [more laughter from the knowing members of the audience] ...

Yes, that's right, in addition to being a wise woman and a crusader, she has a truly insane sense of humour, recently grossing us all out-- er, I mean, making us all laugh-- with her imaginary (or are they???) army of cockroaches. With them she will take over the world and rid us of stupid people, obnoxious neighbours and telemarketers, Dubya--oh, wait, I already said stupid people-- and, well, you get the idea.

It is with great honour that I hereby bestow the Babsilicious Toodle on Blogville Mental Asylum's Head head case, Ms. Babs!!!

(deafening applause, whistle's, shouts of "bravo bravo", the orchestra is playing "For She's a Jolly Good Fellow." A STANDING OVATION!!!!)

ANTONIO BANDERAS CONGRATULATES BABS ON HER TOODLE!

Matt Kensath and Elliot Sadler send their regrets that they could not attend the ceremony, due to their NASCAR obligations.