LOVE AND MONEY? NO PROBLEM & NO POLLYANNA

Real quick, if you want to understand why my blog handle is "Scottish" Toodler, check out this post on Nitwit's blog. It explains everything.

This post is more ruminations on my last post: I Have No Problems.

My thought process these days is hysterically funny. If I feel like I need something to laugh at, I can just listen to the voices in my head argue with each other.

"Oh no, I have to leave in thirty minutes, do I have anything to wear? What am I going to wear? I have nothing to wear. This is a real prob--- wait a minute... Okay, there is no problem with my clothes. I will be fine no matter what I wear. I have plenty of clothes. I just need to make the best choice I can about what to wear, right now...This is not a problem... okay, this looks okay...good, good... Oh my god, is that the lighting or is that my skin! Is that another sun mark? WTF? Do I need to wear sunscreen here in winter, too? This isn't L.A., I shouldn't have another freckle. Wait a minute, it's, like, three of them close together, did they just show up overnight?....hold it....Your skin is fine... It's beautiful... If you can't appreciate it right now, think of how much you will appreciate it in twenty years... you look wonderful... your skin is not a problem... whether you have more sun spots or not, your skin is not a problem... Holy Mother of God, is that my bank balance? Is there supposed to be a minus sign in front of it like that?..." And so it continues...

When I get rushed, or feel like resources are tight, this can just keep cycling. New "problems" just keep coming up. And I have to keep releasing them. That little "hamster wheel" loves to spin. My brain just does not appear to be happy unless it has a problem to solve. I had to put my foot down that not having any problems was not going to become a problem.

I am turning into the illegitimate child of Sybil and Stuart Smalley.

Having no problems is not the same as the Pollyanna attitude I used to take before when things would get overwhelming and I felt trapped. I would try to use positive thought and "will" to overcome the fear I was feeling at whatever seemingly unsurmountable obstacle faced me. Since the positive thought was really just false bravado and the "will" was really just resistance and denial- and both were rooted in fear and the belief that I was facing "a problem"- it never worked. Sometimes it just made it worse.

I was singing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" but my head was buried in the sand.

Not having a problem makes it easier to look at things objectively and make a choice realistically. My mind works at things differently when it perceives something is a problem. It goes over and over it, trying to find a solution, or understand it more. Most of it is projections into the future. There are rarely problems in the present moment.

(Except maybe if you are in a tornado, but maybe even then it doesn't have to be a problem. Just a situation that you need to stay right on top of, present moment to present moment. And who knows? Maybe you will land in Oz. You know ending up in another world was not on Dorothy's list of this things to worry about, anyhow.)

If everything is just a choice, then it is a completely different way of working with the situation. Let's say you get laid off your job. This is perceived as a problem if you don't think you will be provided with enough money to live on in the future. But if you had enough money that you didn't have to work: no problem. Or if you were getting ready to go back to school to start another career: no problem. And both of those things could happen and are more likely to happen if there is no "problem" to be obsessed with solving. To block you from the possibilities that will arrive only if there is no "problem."

Love always comes when you aren't looking for it. I will tell you why. Love does not want to be a problem. Love can't even find the doorbell if it thinks it is going to be a problem. Love wants to be alot of things, but a problem is not one of them. This is why, I think, the older we get, the more love becomes a "surprise." It has to be completely unexpected (and often completely inappropriate, as in the case of the too young/too old or lifestyle-incompatible partner). We have come to view the expected sources of Love to be "a problem." ("I like her, but she reminds me too much of my ex-wife," etc.)

Relationships seem to want to be a problem! Maybe because of the whole Imago thing and those emotional wounds from childhood that want to be healed. But even if relationships have always been a problem- and they have for me- they don't have to be anymore. Just choices that have to be made regarding growth and wholeness, and what you want from a mate and from yourself. Choices to be made as they arise, in the moment, the best you can.

Same for money. If money is a "problem" it will always be scarce. The more money you have, the easier it is to attract more of it. The less you think you need it, the more likely it is to be there when you do need it. Money wants to be valued, and problems are rarely valued.

I don't agree that "love of money is the root of all evil." I think the root of all evil is lack of Love for self. Money is nothing but a symbol for human energy exchange. Love of it may or may not attract more of it, and love of it may not make it last. Honestly, if we loved money more we wouldn't have so much debt. What we really seem to love is the stuff we buy with money, and the feeling we get from spending it. Which means money can always run out, and that is "a problem."

I quote myself:
But what I mean when I say money is imaginary is that, well, humans invented it. It's really just a symbol of what we value. It's a way to exchange appreciation, energy, and to make sure that the exchanges are fair... well, ideally fair. In our society possessions are actually more important than money. Widgets. If money were really important Americans wouldn't be in debt. We wouldn't own so much stuff. But we have a lot of free time. We don't really have to work. (How many of us could raise and prepare an entire meal? 100 years ago 60% of American families lived on farms and did just that, everyday, three or four times a day. Nobody had the time to buy so many widgets!)... In a country where wealth is so abundant, where we consume more than the rest of the world combined, people often appear to be lamenting that they don't have enough. Enough what??? What is enough? What is it that everyone wants so much of? Does anyone have enough serenity? How about health? How about simplicity? I want to live in a world that isn't so greedy, grasping, impatient and insatiable. Does anyone have enough patience? Enough happiness? Would those people that do have it even if their world were downscaled? And if they would, please share the secret with the rest of us!

Ironically, with even less money than I had when I wrote the above post back in 2005, I can now share the secret (and I don't mean the movie): Whatever it is, it doesn't have to be "a problem."

(And, oddly, in the last few days I have not lived in a world where everyone is greedy, grasping, and impatient. There are many things about the world I would like to change, but I never had the power to change the entire world instantaneously to my liking anyhow. Now if greed or grasping comes to me, I can make a choice to change that situation. Or I can change my response to it. No problem.)

Now there is room in my life for more of all of those things that don't want to be a problem. Like money, and love, and everything else that can only truly be valued when one has "no problems."

UNTIL NEXT TIME, TOODLE ON!!!