ALL FOOLS DAY

"If I were the President
If I were queen for a day
I'd give the ugly people
All the money
I'd re-write the Book of Love
I'd make it funny..."
--Laurie Anderson, MY EYES

My first official April Fools prank was this morning when my friend Enigma called.

"Did you hear Bush is resigning from office?"

"What?" Enigma was clearly confused. "No way."

"April Fools! But wouldn't it be great?"

I suppose if I were really serious about my campaign to turn All Fools into All Dreams Day, I would be dressed like a princess right now. (Any excuse to wear a tiara!)

Tonight is Rocky Horror Picture Show night!!! I hope I can find my squirt gun!!!

Oh-- and CHECK THIS OUT!!!

IF I WERE QUEEN OF THE WORLD:

There would be one day a week when no one watched television.

All tampons and pads and feminine products-- including ibuprofen and evening primrose oil, red clover, etc-- would be free and available to all women.

All birth control would be free and available to every person that was capable of reproducing.

Medical care would be free.

Prescription drugs would be free. Pharmacuetical companies would be non-profit research organizations.

Marijuana would be legal, but regulated.

Our main priority globally would be health. All wars would cease in order for proper food and nutrition to be distributed. This would be most painful for countries like the U.S., since we would all be going through intense sugar and meat withdrawals. However, the relief in solving world hunger would be so great, and we would all be benefitting from a more healthy culture, this would magically work out. Alice Waters and Vandana Shiva would be in charge of the details.

Most people would have a little backyard vegetable garden or community plot.

Today would be a day of parades like Mardi Gras, except not so Dionysion. More family friendly. Like Rio Carnival at Disneyland or something. Or more like those crazy artist parades in 1920's Paris. A day where adults could dress up in costumes and behave in a silly manner, without society completely falling apart or so decadent that kids couldn't participate.

There would be more celebration and Feast days like Mardi Gras, more like All Dreams Day. With community parades and big celebrations. On these days the elephant would dress like the donkey, the walrus like the carpenter, etc. Walking in someone else's shoes for a few minutes.

Dialogue would be very important in my dream world. There would be a culture of self-examination, with self-responsibility being primary. A recognition that we all think our beliefs are "right". Once a year we would confront that part of ourselves culturally.

Our global motto would be Acceptance whenever possible, and at the least, tolerance and understanding.

Ecological health would be very important to us as well, even if it meant downscaling in some areas of our lives. Knowing that we were ensuring the planet's future accomodation of our species.

High School's would teach Sexual Education with a serious eye towards really being informative and dealing with some seriously ignored issues: masturbation, self-control, relationship issues, self-worth issues (especially for girls). My curriculum would also include financial instructions like how to balance a checkbook and learning to track reciepts and do your own taxes, and invest for retirement-- even if you only have a job at McDonalds.

Harville Hendrix would design a curriculum for people who were planning to marry (gay or straight) and that would be a course you completed before you got married.

There would be no advertising on the television or the radio.

Blogging and reading books and comics would be alot more popular. There would be no reality television. People would be more interested in You Tube and blogfrogging and more interaction with other people "in reality". More creative interaction and more arts.

There would be no racism.

Everyone would dress more colorfully and everyday life would be more festive. Whimsy would run rampant in the streets.

Streetlights would be shut off during spectacular celestial activity, and there would be more public transportation. People would walk more.

Everyone would WANT to vote.

There would be more religions and people would practice more than one religion. Learning other religions would be the same as learning another language. Religion would no longer be a reason to go to war.

We would begin to find solutions to crime. But I couldn't think of any ideas on how. Perhaps there is a dreamer out there who could.

"And oo my eyes
They're looking all around;
And oo my feet
I'm upside down..."
--ibid.

TOODLE ON!!!

PS-- Since Jackiesue has decreed that all my wishes come true and we now live in a perfect world, I am going to add Digital Cowgirl's fantasy to my list, hehe...I'll be a bit busy...