QUEEN SCARY

I went to the Queen Mary Shipwreck Sunday night and IT WAS AWESOME!!!! We had so much fun.

I went with my friend "Enigma" (not her real name). She is one of my favourite friends because she is so -- well-- enigmatic. She's a lesbian that sleeps with men, a thirtyish woman who is in one of these Shriners Organizations (NOT the Shriner's-- but I must protect the guilty and keep everyone's top secret identities), plus she reads a lot and knows about weird stuff. She's into politics and I believe that one day she will be Mayor of Los Angeles. When she is mayor, I will be able to blackmail her big time.

Her girlfriend didn't want to go (because she is a scaredy cat, but she had some lame excuse about "work"), so Enigma offered to pay my way. I had been planning to go next weekend. And I was going to call Enigma, so it was just one of those things that worked out perfectly!

When we got there, it started raining. We were miserable because we didn't have an umbrella. We weren't even wearing coats. And then we had to stand in the line for a really long time. They wouldn't even let us in early even though no one was there and it was raining. Then the scariest part of the night was when I had to use the porta-potty. That's probably why I wasn't scared in the mazes at first.

I didn't really expect to get scared. But after we'd gone through all the mazes once, we had a few drinks. Then we were talking about all the real ghosts on the Queen Mary.
Now, this isn't like the Titanic. Most of the people who died on board died of natural causes, or food poisoning, etc. But it's an old ship, and spirits have a way of returning to their familiar "haunts" so there are some ghosts of former sailors and stuff.

(If you don't know what you are seeing/feeling the dead are scary even if they aren't "bad" spirits. It's just a very cold touch. Actually, they still scare me sometimes.)

But mostly I think that after awhile, we just really got into the whole idea of being scared and running and laughing and screaming our heads off. WHAT A RELEASE!!!

I think that these haunted houses really serve a purpose. In addition to the release of tension and pent up anxiety, how often does our society offer the opportunity to walk through the darkness (metaphorical or real) and confront the demons and horrors that pop out at every turn?

I'll tell you, the night before the moon was full, with a lunar eclipse to boot, the Queen Mary Shipwreck was better than a "Persephone in the Underworld" Rite for cleansing ones psyche of the horrors of day to day life.

Looking at the list of sex offenders that live in my neighborhood is truly scary. Hearing about a ten year old stabbing an eight year old to death, that's the scariest thing I've ever heard. Sometimes the news makes me want to go hide under the covers. And sitting at a dead-stop for ten minutes on the freeway? Yes, that is when I really want to just run screaming mad down the street!

I felt like I'd had a "fear" orgasm or something when we left. Like I'd screamed enough to scare all the mental skeletons from their hiding places in the closets and tombs of my mind.

Plus, if you are a guy (or a lesbian) it's a great place to take a girl on a date. Because she will be glued up against you in the really scary parts.

("I hope you appreciate, as lesbian, that I am pushing my entire boob into your arm, just like a real date," I told Enigma as we walked through the super scary Haunted Hull of Horrors. "Oh yeah, I do!" She responded enthusiastically. Then some scary chainsaw guy popped out and we abandoned each other and ran screaming for our lives.)

I highly recommend Queen Mary Shipwreck. It's really expensive though: $30. And drinks are $6 each. We went through Creatures of the Cove In 3-d three times and it just got better each time. The sets were just amazing, and some of the art was really cool. That was best overall.

The best single costume was the mutant hiding behind the oil drum in Haunted Hull of Horrors. Corridors of Carnage was the scariest overall, but Trail of Terror had a really scary very dark section. We went through most of them twice. I would go back next weekend! It is a lot of fun!

UNTIL NEXT TIME, TOODLE ON!